By Sara El Bakri
By Sara El Bakri
Marrakech – MWN
Searching through my closet one morning, I came across the beautiful pink dress I wore on my graduation day. I began thinking back on that special day and I can remember feeling so blessed for having both of my beloved parents there watching me enjoy my moment of success. I remember how it felt going up those few stairs to the stage to be handed my long awaited diploma. I had butterflies in my stomach when I was walking in front of my family and friends. I had worked so hard for that moment and I was completely overwhelmed with pride and joy. I put back my pink dress and left those memories in the closet.
I ended up deciding to wear a nice clean, classy blazer that matched perfectly with my brand new, lovely pumps. It was my first day at my dream job. I skipped breakfast that morning because I was so excited to get to work. I wanted to run to the office to see my new desk; it was waiting for me, it was mine. I could not wait to get there. This was the greatest day of my life.
This was it, the moment I had been longing for. I was finally sitting at my desk. Oh lord, it smelled of nice wood, and my big, comfortable swinging chair smelled of nice clean leather. I could not have been any happier. I was so excited about turning the place to my own work sanctuary that I forgot about actually working. I glanced at the piles of papers lying in front of my eyes and they did not scare me one bit. I was too deeply absorbed in the thought of decorating my new desk. I wanted a nice pink vase with beautiful flowers in it because I love fresh flowers. I had brought my graduation day picture to put on my desk. I also had my favorite photo of me with my amazing swimming team. It was taken during high school championships when I won my first gold medal. They were reminders of my ambitious self. They would keep me going.
The noise was growing louder and began piercing through the strong walls of my office. I stared at the streets through the window, they were crowded and there was a huge traffic jam causing more noise. As I opened the window, I started feeling light headed then I suddenly fell face down on the floor. Car horns would not stop, I still heard them, even louder. But I could not move, I could not get up on my feet.
I was awake now but I was not in my office. Where was I? I hit whatever that was making the terrible noise, a grayish ugly alarm clock that fell to the ground and broke. Why was it not pink? It couldn’t be mine. Why was I still in bed? I had to be at work. It was my first day at work. I had to go to work. I jumped up and ran to the closet looking for my new blazer. But there was no new blazer and there were no new pumps. Oh God, how my knees hurt from jumping off that bed. Why did I feel so weak and tired? I stared at my reflection in the closet mirror and as a sad smile drew on my wrinkly face, I could then see it clearly. I have been dreaming, this was not my life. This was what I always wished for but never achieved. This was the life I wanted but never had. I searched through my clothes and indeed, there was no pink graduation dress because I never graduated. My old professional swimsuit from high school was hanging in my closet, but I never wore it because I was never a part of the swim team.
I have being dreaming my life. Now, I am old and weary wishing I could do it all over again. Maybe then, I would try and live my dreams.
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