Rabat – It is wedding season; everywhere you look someone seems to be committing to a relationship. Your cousin just invited you to her wedding, your neighbors just married off their youngest son after an all-night celebration, and even your friend from school posted a picture of her recent engagement on Instagram.
Although you are genuinely happy for each and every one of them, you can’t help but fantasize about being the center of attention, hearing ululations resonating on your big day, celebration phrases praising you and your spouse, while a wave of unprecedented emotions submerge you to a point you become euphoric. I will not deny that I, too, have indulged in such innocent little day-dreams but if, like me, you are under 25, you will find in the following reasons that getting back to reality is not so bad after all.
- Search for yourself before searching for your partner
Teenage years are exhausting, early twenties even more so. Indeed, you have just begun a long expedition of self-discovery. You are still uncertain about what you stand for and what you believe in, not in the sense that you are flexible rather simply confused. I am sure you think, just as I often do, that you’ve got it all figured out, until the next time your ideas are being challenged. Only then you realize that you lack both the knowledge and experience.
You cannot commit to someone before knowing your goals and setting your priorities. How can you make sensible compromises with your life partner? Oh because make no mistake, there will be plenty of compromises to make, when you are oblivious to what you are giving up or to the extent you are willing to go. In marriage, the “we” cannot withstand hardships when the “I” is shaky.
- Enjoy your “Me, myself and I” time.
There are very few social settings in which being selfish is acceptable, and guess what? Committed relationships shrink that number radically. You want to spend the money you have left on some limited edition sneakers or purse instead of going grocery shopping? You can’t. On a whim, you decide to go on a weekend gateway with friends? Certainly not while married.
I am not stating that marriage is apprehending, far from that, but your actions no longer impact you alone. You are being linked to another human being on a daily basis in way that you have never done in any other type of relationship. You cannot afford to be insensitive to your spouse.
Naturally, to a full grown adult such compromises are quite easy to make since the latter no longer hold the same significance. They have already seen it all. You, on the other hand, are in your early twenties, being reasonably selfish is basically part of the job description; just make the most of it while it lasts.
- Beyond the wedding glamour
If your day dream stops at the end of the wedding or honeymoon, you are not nearly as ready as you think you are. When you have linked yourself to the wrong person or even to the right person at the wrong time, you will live your life feeling hopelessly trapped. All the memories of your mesmerizing looks on that special day, of your ravishing floral decoration, or even how blessed you felt, won’t brush away that feeling.
“What ifs” would still consume you to a point you are physically and mentally exhausted. Worse, it could consume you to a point you become resentful of a person who once gave you butterflies in your stomach.
So make sure that your decision is based on your readiness not your loneliness, which is a tricky distinction to make in your early twenties.
- It will eventually happen
Earlier today, I asked my grandmother how she and my grandfather made it through all the tough times in their 60 years of marriage, she didn’t answer right away. Instead, she stared at me with an empty gaze for a long moment before she finally replied in a nostalgic air: “You see child, in our time life was simple, so when two people got married they grew up together. But with everything in life today, you, young kids, must first learn to be patient and mature on your own.”
Patience was the word that stuck in my mind. It is not something that we, “young kids,” as my grandmother likes to call us, are keen on. Indeed, we enjoy being impulsive, but when it comes to marriage, impulsive is synonymous to reckless and even childish.
True commitment, at any stage, is a life-changing event. And if your destiny is to meet that special person at a young age then so be it. Just make sure you are doing it because you found an opportunity for self-growth with that person not the idea of him. And if you find yourself waiting use that time to travel, focus on your career and live life. Don’t put your life on hold just because you don’t have a ring on your finger.
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