“Your mother or your wife, your wife or your mother?” is the pressing question for man, whose father has died, when about to get married. Afraid to be let down by their married sons, some mothers ask themselves this question.
Sidi Ifni – Other mothers ponder in deep silence. In Moroccan society it is common for Aunts to ask their nephews who will come first – their wife, or their mother? The question of whether the married couple will live with the groom’s mother is another common refrain. However, while interrogating the happy couple, we forget that pitting mother against wife can only lead to trouble.
First and foremost, what we must all bear in mind is that our mothers are not comparable to our wives, the relationship is different. We must, of course, respect and obey our mothers – as we are taught in the holy Quran. However, this must never mean that our wives are not respected, or treated just because we remain obedient to our mothers.
Quite the contrary, we may say that we married men should treat their wives and mothers lovingly, but differently. This difference simply means that men must play the roles of loving husband and obedient son and the two roles do not need to be conflicting.
If asked to choose between mother and wife, I would say both. If it is not both, why marry in the first place? In my opinion, to put an end to this unnecessary conflict we must stop asking the question. Families need to stop making a fuss about the issue. Otherwise, a wife will never stop telling her husband what to do when his mother happens to disagree with her. The mother will never stop invoking “Rdda” (blessing) to call on her son’s obedience if he happens to disagree with her. Here is the common dilemma for a husband, who does he choose?.
In Moroccan society,many husbands have actually divorced their wives for no reason other than that their mothers have insisted on it. For me, if the mother distances herself from her son’s married life and the wife distances herself from her husband’s filial love for his mother, problems in the home could be avoided. In my opinion, a wife has no right to interfere even if her husband loves his mother more than her.
Hell is other families. The bitter reality that we are currently facing now is that many families have broken up and hatred has spread among them. If the wife’s family insists that she should win the heart of her husband, while the mother’s family insists on the same concept, they are pursuing a false conflict. What some wives are not aware enough of is that mothers are irreplaceable and will always remain so. Hence, the competition usually comes to no fruition.
Who is to blame, then? Simply, it is us, Moroccan society. We are complicating each other’s lives by obsessing over pointless questions. Isn’t it tellingt that among the conditions that some brides set on the proposal day is to live with the husband alone in the home, not with his mother? It is for the simple reason that all women by nature long for independence and possession. Now, it is up to women to put an end to the question of either your wife or your mother.
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect Morocco World News’ editorial policy