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By Louise Riondel
Morocco World News
Rennes, France, December 13, 2012
I read Nabila Nali’s “Men Every Woman Should Avoid” and Youssef Sourgo’s “Women every Man should Stay Miles Away From” avidly. I found both articles witty and, I won’t lie, pretty accurate. One thing struck me though: why did both writers choose the negative aspects in relationships?
Being a 20-something student in France, I have the opportunity, pretty much everyday, to hear statements such as “I could never be with someone who is only interested in my bank account” or “I’m so tired of waiting for answers to my texts all night long.” And these are from both men and women. Usually, my answer to those complaints is “What do you WANT out of a relationship?”
I will assume here that we’re looking at long-term relationships and commitment. Indeed, these friends usually state “I just want to settle down.” Once again, this desire is legitimate, but you will agree that it really doesn’t mean anything.
Rather than focusing on crippling elements, I suggest you take time to thoroughly analyze what YOU think matters when it comes to your romantic future.
Here is a non-exhaustive list of elements you might want to consider when thinking about your partner or partner-to-be:
What am I looking for in the other one?
Some people want their partner to be their best friend. Some want someone who listens to them and supports them. Some want to go out together when others would rather do things with their respective friends. Do I want someone who shares my points of view, or someone I can confront my ideas with ? Focus on things you appreciate rather than what you are dead set against. You will find it much more interesting.
Do we both want the same things out of life?
Both want to get married? Have little monsters screaming in the house and driving you crazy (I’m talking about children here)? Are we career-oriented or all about our family? Do we want to stay in bed all day on Sundays or go for a morning jog? You know where I’m going with this. You might want to avoid the overly-attached girlfriend (9gag fan much?), but you do want to make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
How are we going to cope with difficulties?
Don’t fool yourself. Forget about the fairy tales of your childhood. Relationships are not a bed of roses. If they are, then I guess you can see it as one that is trampled and in which the roses have lost their freshness. So what are you going to do when someone or something puts their muddy boots in your flower bed? Your partner’s reaction might be completely different than yours, and you don’t want to realize that in the middle of a crisis.
What are we ready to compromise on?
It’s ok to not want the same things for the future. You will disagree on some subjects, whether it is the name of your first child, how to manage the couple’s money or your vacation destination. You just don’t want these dissensions to become the detonator of a domestic war. Ask yourselves what really matters to both of you and figure out if your answers are compatible. Or you might end up with a kid whose name you hate.
Louise Riondel is a French student in Political Science. After a Bachelor’s Degree in Social and Political Affairs, she’s now completing a Master’s Degree in European and International Relations from Sciences Po Rennes. She specializes in issues regarding borders and migrations, subject on which she is currently writing her thesis. She became acquainted with Morocco World News while she was an intern at the United Nations in New York. Furthermore, she’s had the chance to feed her interest in diplomacy by attending several Model United Nations (MUN) in Europe.
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